Talk About Death, Jewishly: How Shomer Collective Is Helping Us Live Better

Rabbi Melanie Levav, Executive Director of the Shomer Collective

There’s a strange thing that happens when you spend an hour talking about death—you walk away thinking about how to live better.

That’s exactly what happened when I sat down with Melanie Levav, Executive Director of the Shomer Collective. Melanie wears a lot of hats—rabbi, social worker, chaplain—and yet somehow makes the most emotional, complex, and deeply human topics feel… surprisingly approachable.

The Shomer Collective is on a mission to transform how Jewish communities talk about death, dying, grief, and caregiving. Their tagline says it all: Talk About Death, Jewishly. And their work? It’s thoughtful, practical, rooted in tradition and life-affirming.

A Crisis and an Idea at the Kitchen Table

The Collective didn’t start in a conference room. It began on picnic blankets and around kitchen tables. A group of friends, each of whom had struggled to navigate a loved one’s death wanted to make sure others didn’t feel as lost the next time around.

Melanie had seen this kind of chaos before. Families scrambling, unsure what Jewish tradition expected, or even what their loved one would’ve wanted. Meanwhile, she was helping care for her Holocaust survivor in-laws, who had neatly labeled folders: “Funeral,” “Cemetery,” “Life Insurance.”

That contrast, between calm and chaos, sparked something.

A few years later, the Shomer Collective was born.

Triple Threat: Rabbi, Social Worker, Chaplain

Melanie brings a rare perspective to this space. One minute, she’s helping a family find a funeral home that aligns with their values. The next, she’s guiding a parent through how to talk to their kids about a dying grandparent. Always, she’s rooted in Jewish wisdom.

It’s this blend of emotional, logistical, and spiritual that makes the Collective’s work so powerful. Whether you’re grieving, planning, or just trying to figure things out, Shomer Collective is a steady guide.

What They Do (and Why It Matters)

Their programming is wide-ranging and accessible:

• 🧾 “What Matters” Workshops: Explore advance care planning, healthcare proxies, and Jewish perspectives on living well until the end.

  
  

• 👥 1:1 Consultations: For individuals and families navigating illness, funeral decisions, or just needing support.

  
  

• 📚 Educational Resources: Covering everything from ethical wills to burial costs and how to access interest-free loans or payment plans.

  
  

• 🎓 Professional Trainings: Helping rabbis, JCC staff, and Jewish communal pros build comfort and confidence around end-of-life conversations.

Their goal? Normalize the conversation. Make Jewish wisdom practical. And bring more intention to the way we prepare for what’s next.

Talking About Death… With a Sense of Humor?

Yes, actually.

Melanie told me about a cartoon they use in workshops: a parent in a hospital bed, a kid on a laptop beside them. The caption?

“Do you want fries with that… or a living will?”

It gets a laugh, and more importantly, it gets people talking. Because the reality is: these conversations are easier before the crisis. Whether it's a scare, a diagnosis, or just aging parents, we owe it to our families to have clarity. To leave them with love, not guesswork.

The first time I met Melanie (a few years ago), I talked to my dad and mom about death. I asked where they wanted to be buried. What Jewish rituals matter. We had a conversation we might’ve avoided. I’m better for it. One of my parents had a plan, the other did not. And now I’m on a mission to help that parent.

The Real Cost of Dying Jewishly

We also talked about something people don’t love to discuss: the cost.

A Jewish funeral and burial can easily run $20,000 or more, sometimes up to $50,000 with travel or immediate arrangements. Too often, families are forced to make emotional, rushed decisions without knowing what’s possible or affordable.

Shomer Collective helps people plan early, align decisions with their values, and when needed, connect with resources like Hebrew Free Loan Associations to finance funeral costs.

This work isn’t just about ritual. It’s about dignity.

A Bus, a Wake-Up Call, and a Reminder

In 2024, Melanie was hit by a school bus. (Yes, a real one. A hit-and-run.) Broken bones, bruises, concussion, the works.

And as she recovered, she kept thinking:“Thank God I had everything in place.”

A will. A cemetery plot. Clear instructions.

It was a brutal reminder that planning isn’t just for the far-off future. Life throws buses. And being ready gives you and your family peace of mind, when it matters most.

Thankfully, Melanie healed. And the experience just added more fuel to the fire.

What’s Next for Shomer Collective?

Now five years in, the organization is at a turning point. Founding donors are rotating off, and they’re looking for new supporters and partners who believe in this work and want to bring it to their communities.

There are so many ways to get involved:

✅ Join a workshop

✅ Sign up for their newsletter (just 2–3x/month)

✅ Host a training or talk in your community

✅ Make a donation—every gift helps them grow

Here are a few upcoming programs worth checking out:

• Aug 13: Jewish End-of-Life Doula Meetup

• Aug 20: Death Over Dinner: Jewish Edition

• Sep 9: Ethical Wills Workshop

• Oct 1: Meditation on Mortality – a dress rehearsal for Yom Kippur

• Oct 29: What Matters – Caring Conversations About End of Life

Explore more at shomercollective.org.

Final Thought

I love this quote: “Talking about death won’t kill you.”

But it might just make your life and your legacy more meaningful, and easier at the end.

Thanks, Melanie, for the reminder.