The Dreaded F Word in the Office: Feedback

Feedback

Let’s talk about feedback that actually lands!

It’s one of the most common topics that comes up in coaching calls. Not because people don’t want to give it—but because they’re not sure how to deliver it without awkward silence or defensiveness. We’ve all been there. You’re trying to help someone grow, and suddenly it feels like you just poked a bear.

So how do you make feedback something people actually hear—and apply?

💡 Start by Asking Permission

This might sound simple, but it completely shifts the energy in the room.

Try asking:

“Can I share an observation?”

Or even better:

“Are you open to some constructive feedback?”

When someone says "yes," they’ve mentally opened the door. You’re not barging if you’ve been invited. That simple shift can make a world of difference in how your message is received.

🎯 Understand What They’re Ready For

One of my favorite ways to open a feedback conversation is with this question:

“Are you looking for praise, accolades, or constructive criticism?”

It gives the person a choice—and tells you what kind of headspace they’re in. If someone’s having a tough day, it might not be the best time for critique. You can always circle back later when they’re more open.

And when they are open, try saying: “Here’s something I think could help you grow…”

Framing feedback as a gift—not a correction—shifts the dynamic from critical to collaborative.

🧠 Keep It Specific and Actionable

Vague feedback leads to frustration and confusion. Specific, actionable feedback builds trust.

Instead of: “You need to work on your presentation skills.”

Try: “You had great energy in your last presentation—next time, try pausing for two seconds after big points to let them land. That’ll really level up your delivery.”

Now they know exactly what to do—and they’re more likely to do it.

⚠️ What If They Get Defensive?

It happens. We’re all human. Even the gentlest feedback can feel personal.

If someone gets defensive, don’t match their energy. Stay calm, stay curious. You might say:

“I can tell this is hitting a nerve. Want to pause and come back to it later?”

Or try this: “What do you think you need to work on?”

Let them reflect. Put them in the driver’s seat. More often than not, people are harder on themselves than we would ever be.

Naming the tension helps defuse it. And not everyone is immediately comfortable with feedback—so give them space to process. If they’re not ready to hear it today, that’s okay. You’ve planted a seed—and that’s a start.

❤️ End with Support

I had an employee who consistently made grammatical errors. We had a conversation about it. I offered some suggestions and then asked, “How can I help you?” Then I paused and waited.

She thought about it, thanked me, and said she’d try my tips and keep working on it.

When you show someone that you're there to support them, it makes a difference. And if improvement still doesn’t happen, that’s when you guide them toward next steps—whether it’s more training, clearer expectations, or a new direction. Empower them to choose and grow.

Final Thoughts

Feedback doesn’t have to be dreaded.

It can be empowering, motivating, and even energizing—when it’s done with intention, curiosity, and care.

Want to build a culture where feedback is normal, not nerve-wracking? Start with empathy. Add clarity. Mix in a heavy dose of listening. And don't forget to model the behavior by asking for constructive feedback.

Got a favorite feedback tip that’s worked for you? I’d love to hear it.